Pretty in Purple

Whales vs Pandas.

2010-01-27T14:30:00.000+11:00

My dad makes me laugh heaps. Here is a conversation from the other day:

“ARGHHH THE FLAMIN JAPANESE SHOOTING OUR WHALES”

“THEY WOULDN”T LIKE IT IF WE WENT TO THEIR FLAMIN COUNTRY AND SHOT ALL OF THEIR PANDAS”

“Umm Dad, Pandas are from China”

“I DON’T FLAMIN CARE”.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

sigh

2010-01-19T16:55:00.001+11:00

“Hi, I’m calling from A and R. We want to order a product that we haven’t had before and need to create it on our system. In order to do that we need to work out our cost price- whats our discount?”

“Your discount is 50%”

“So how do I work out the cost price?”

“Just deduct 50% from the RRP”

“oh….”

“The cost price is $x”

“Oh…..”

“is there anything else I can help with?”

“I’ll just tell head office our trade discount is 50% and they can work it out from there. THANKS!”

The purchase order of the beast?

2010-01-18T13:46:00.001+11:00

I just received an emailled purchase order from a shop that stocks our products. The body of the email was written in giant, red capital letters and says "PLEASE SEND ORDER 666 IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Its kinda weird that your order for Bibles has the order number 666 - and maybe the giant red font might have been a misjudgement???!

The question of authorship.

2010-01-18T13:40:00.003+11:00

An Angus and Robertson store just called to ‘check an author’ on a title. The title was a BIBLE. They sounded confused when I said the author was God!!! *sigh*

Earlier today someone walked through the front doors and asked if we have a showroom (The giant door the showroom is a metre from the front door). I said yes, and pointed him in the right direction. He then stared at me, asked if it was ok to go in there. I said yes. He stared at me some more. He then said "I hope no-one hits me if I go in there". I assured him he should be pretty safe. The whole time he had a white piece of material tied over and around his left hand. He then asked which way to the train station. I pointed to the road (clearly visible from where we were) the he had to go down. He walked out of the door, and went in the opposite direction......

Left handed problems.

2010-01-14T14:32:00.001+11:00

"Hi, I'm just wondering if you sell left handed Bible covers?"

"Ahhh there's not really such a thing as left handed Bible covers, if you are left handed and find the zipper annoying, then I'd assume you'd just turn it around the other way"

"WHAT A GREAT IDEA! Do you stock any of those ambidextrous Bible covers?"

"*sigh*, yes we do. All of our Bible covers are ambidextrous"

"HOW CONVENIENT! I'll take 10".

Inconvenient incontinence.

2010-01-14T14:20:00.003+11:00

Read from the bottom up to get the gist of things.
**Name has been changed to conceal the identity of the idiot**
*Name has been changed to protect the identity of victim of idiot*

From: **Charlene Wanaldo** [mailto:mailto:XXXX@XXXX.com.au]
Sent: Thursday, 14 January 2010 11:38 AM
To: *Belaroo Faulksario*
Subject: RE:

Hi *Belaroo*,

We were just testing our e-mail system. Sorry for your incontinence.

Have a good day.

Best regards,

**Charlene Wanaldo**

From: *Belaroo Faulksario* [mailto:mailto:XXXX@XXXX.com.au]
Sent: Thursday, January 14, 2010 11:35 AM
To: **Charlene Wanaldo**
Subject: RE:

Please resend as this email as it came through blank.

Kind Regards,

*Belaroo Faulksario*

Customer Service

--------------------------------------

From: **Charlene Wanaldo** [mailto:XXXX@XXXX.com.au]
Sent: Thursday, 14 January 2010 10:58 AM
To: *Belaroo Faulksario*
Subject: FW:

Who would Jesus call?

2010-01-07T14:35:00.001+11:00

*Pat* “A Jesus person” *Jones* left a message yesterday. I called her back – no answer.

Later that afternoon there was another message from *Pat* “A Jesus person” *Jones*.

“no-one returned my call. Your answering machine said it would. IT’S A LIE! A LIE! You’ve been dishonest to me. Very dishonest. I’m very disappointed in your company as if it were Jesus he would have returned my call”. *hangs up*

Anyway, I just call her back, and thankfully she’d taken some of her afternoon medication.

However, she called me Melanie, Melissa and Melba all in the one conversation. She also complained that our prices, like other Christian outlets, were too expensive are we are making her pay for stuff she wants to buy. How dare we. Then she wanted to know when the Christmas 2010 catalogue would be out. I answered “October 2010” and she replied with “That’s ridiculous, how do you expect people to be organized? I was hoping you could send me one this week”. Riiiiigghhhttt……

NOTE: *names have been changed to protect the mentally challenged*.

Angry Asian Lady.

2010-01-05T11:20:00.002+11:00

Angry Asian Lady is a regular angry, rude, yelling kind of customer. Ahh such a pleasure to deal with!
Angry asian lady has left the building.

“DO YOU REMEMBER OUR CONVERSATION LAST TIME??”

“Umm no I don’t sorry”

“WHAT? EVERYONE REMEMEBRS ME”

“I CALLED AND SPOKE WITH A MANAGER UP STAIRS WHO GAVE ME “CORRECT” INFORMATION, YOU DIDN’T LAST TIME”.

“ITS YOUR FAULT I ONLY BOUGHT 3 LAST TIME AND I COULD HAVE SAVED A DOLLAR PER ITEM”.

*pauses to yell at husband*

*Continues conversation with me*

“DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHO I AM?”

I said no. She got all huffy with me cause I couldn’t tell her word for word what we talked about last time she was here 3 months ago!!! So bizarre!

2010 - the return to blogging.

2010-01-05T11:04:00.001+11:00

“Hi, does your company sell diaries?”

“No sorry we don’t, only Bibles”.

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Umm no, they are quite different”

“oh! Thanks for clarifying, Bye!”.

All my friends are getting married....

2009-04-03T12:46:00.003+11:00

I know 11 couples that are getting married this year. Is there something in the water? Its all a bit scary. It seems like I just turned my head for a moment, and when turning back suddenly everyone is paired off and getting married. I'm starting to feel like the only one left in the pool in a game of marco polo. Its a bit strange, cause I'm really REALLY happy for each and everyone one of them, but also a bit depressed for totally selfish reasons. On the upside, I potentially have the opportunity to purchase 11 different outfits this year lol.

Skyhooks have summed it up pretty nicely (except for the bit about having a son, I think i am possibly the most un-maternal gal in the world!)

Well all my friends are getting married
Yes they're all growin' old
They're staying home on weekends
They're all doin' what they're told
But I'm caught up in this magic
I'm all caught up in the fun
I'm all caught up in this music
Maybe I'll never have a son
Well I looked into the crowd the other night
And I saw an old familiar face
He said "How are you doin' Shirl my boy?"
He said " Tell me, are you still playin' the same old place
I asked him all about himself
And he said that he was married with a kid
Showed me a picture of his wife
And we talked about all the things we did
Well sometimes I feel like I'm left behind
And sometimes I feel like I just left school
Wonder if I'll ever grow up
Maybe I'm the only fool
But I'm all caught up in this magic
Yes I'm caught up in this fun
I'm all caught up with this music
Well maybe I'll never have a son

Oh! One more thing!

2009-03-25T13:52:00.000+11:00

I forgot about another humourous name from this week.

"Rod Cocking of Wild st Church".

I'm not sure what exactly is happening at Wild Street Church, but I bet that Rod Cocking has something to do with it.

Literacy issues.

2009-03-25T13:47:00.002+11:00

Oh blog, how I have neglected you for the last week and a half. I hope you dont hold it against me.

Twice in as many days I have had encounters of the bad literacy kind. Some man by the name of Stan called from Punchbowl yesterday to get his confirmation code for some software, and when he was reading out the serial number, he ran into some problems.
"G for Bear"
"U for Europe"

It was not much of a surprise that he called back within five minutes to say that his code wasn't working.

Another one today. A lady called to place an order for her shop, when giving me a product code for an item, she was a little confused.
"G for Jesus"
"So, it that G for Goat, or is it J for Jesus?"
"Its G for Jesus"
"Jesus starts with a J, is it a G or a J?"
"I SAID, J for JESUS"
My thought process - No you DIDN'T you stupid woman, but I'm glad we've now sorted out the difference between G and J. Alphabet 101 should probably be an item you need to track down to also stock in your shop...

What kind of phonetic alphabet are these people using?!!

Road rage and photocopying.

2009-03-12T12:31:00.002+11:00

The other I was driving to work. I was stuck behind a "macarthur florists" van. Normally, the "keep left unless overtaking" thing applies on the m5, or any other freeway, but noooo not this day. This van was driving at 80 in the fast lane. I flashed my lights, he wouldn't move. So after 5 mins I went in the left lane and overtook him to be in front, and actually do the speed limit. Then the florist man decides to speed up and tail gate me. For some reason there is something not at all intimidating about a man with a van full of clearly visibly sunflowers.

Yesterday at work this women brings a book up to the counter, "Hi, I dont want to buy this $9 book, but can you photocopy it for me?"

Why sure. We photocopy books in their entirety instead of selling them, thats how we make a profit. And in no way are we circumventing any copyright laws.

*sigh*

Stationery?

2009-03-05T13:33:00.000+11:00

Random man of the day.
"Hello, can I order some Stationery?"
"Umm Stationery? Sorry, we just sell Bibles".
"oh well thats the same thing isn't it?"
"Not really...no...."

Out for Lunch.

2009-03-02T15:52:00.000+11:00

Well, I went out for lunch today. This area doesn't really hold much in the way of nice places to eat, so off to $7 lunchtime special chinese it was. Mmmmm toxic red sweet and sour pork. I hadn't realised that the sauce is the exact same colour as transmission fluid. At the restaurant, my friends and I were sitting at our table, when one of the girls notices, across the room, someone FLOSSING while sitting at the table waiting for their food. Who does that?! I've never thought about taking floss to entertain myself/clean my teeth whilst waiting for my food. Weird weird weird.
Some creepy bogans were on another table nearby, and the creepiest of the creepy bogans kept grabbing the waitress' arm and stroking her. She looked afraid. Who thinks that is acceptable behaviour?! Its just weird. Weird weird weird. I dont understand.

Got dirt?

2009-02-26T12:29:00.001+11:00

Today feels like friday. Sadly, it is only Thursday. My co-worker Belinda is absent this week, so lucky me gets to delve into the world of retail.....argh. I am quite happy with my usual non-retail work. I have been reminded why.
"Oh..you mean I have to pay for this stuff I ordered? Oh...thats a surprise"

Yes. Its a surprise, this whole paying for what you order thing.

"my best contact is my mobile number........*silence*"
"And what is that sir?"
"oh, dont you have that on file?"
"No....and this IS the first time you have ordered with us" (he told me that on the phone!)

"And your expiry date on your card?"
"Oh I get confused with that....hang on.... its 4/3."
"Ahh, that date has passsed already"
"oh, sorry, I keep my old credit cards"
"Its 4/6"
"that date has already passed also"
"Oh, hang on... its 4/15"
"thanks, we will process your order shortly".

Not only is the expiry date wrong, so is the freakin card number!!!!!!

Ahhh to think of next week, where I will be back to trade sales land, where there are no credit cards to worry about, no writing down orders, and the intelligence level is *slightly* higher. *dreams of next week*

Then there was the woman who came in the front doors today, her perfume was so strong it made me cover my nose. It wasn't your usual floral/fruity/normal-ish smelling perfume. It smelled earthy. BAD earthy. Like a pile of wet dirt. To the point where someone walked through my area and said "Has someone been gardening in here?". No, not gardening, just someone with underdeveloped sensory glands.
Maybe I should have tried selling her the potplant in front of my desk that I'd just watered. Smelled the same.....

Anyway, putting work ASIDE for a moment (this is my lunch break after all), this weekend is no life til leather! YAY! The skid row anniversary event. I'm totally looking forward to rockin' out glam style this friday night. Just 1.5 days to go......

Stupid People

2009-02-24T12:36:00.000+11:00

Do you ever have those days where people just seem like flaming imbeciles? Today is one such day..... Already today, the following 'encounters with stupid people' have occured.

"Can you please fax me an invoice?"
"Certainly, what is your fax number?"
"Oh, well its the same as our phone *rolls eyes*" (Yes, you can hear that on the phone!)

Thanks. CAUSE I KNOW YOUR PHONE NUMBER OFF BY HEART RANDOM TRADE CUSTOMER!!!

"Hi, *insert annoyed tone*, you haven't faxed through the backorder list I requested"
"oh, that was faxed on the 16th, the day you called"
"Hmmm well our fax has been broken for a week....."

Hmmm let me think. Could it be possible that your BROKEN FAX may have been the problem?!

One more-
"Can I pay over the phone with my EFTPOS card? I'll give you my PIN".

I felt like saying "I'm sorry sir, but I dont think your bank's security team factored in idiots giving random people their PINs".

"Hi, I bought this BIble in 1972, its just starting to fall apart, I think I'm entitled to a refund".

Hmmm. I think you are delusional. Good luck trying to return your broken washing machine, and mix master that you also bought in 1972.

Funny names do entertain me at work. Here is a list of my favourites.

Jeremy Smuts
Lesley VanDerslugs
Gaye Kittens
Rev. F. King.
Mark Vanderkuck
Ivor Lowcock (yes that is a legitimate name, we though it was prank for ages...but it wasn't...)

How unfortuante for all people involved.

Technophobes are a usual occurance also.
"I bought this dvd and it doesn't play on my cd player".
"I typed in your e-mail address into my web browser and the website didnt come up"
"So, what do you mean exactly when you say double click?"
"Why doesn't this PC software work on my mac? Its your fault, give me a refund."
"Just calling about the free cd-rom that came with my Bible, it doesn't work in my dvd player. Send me another one."

*sigh*

It reminds me of a song I heard once on an old Indie compilation from the 90's. The lyrics go something like "I hate stupid people, the way they close their minds, something something something something, work eat sleep and multiply". It could be a stabbing westward song, not sure..... Hmmmm.

Bathroom Ettiquette?

2009-02-20T12:53:00.000+11:00

Hmmmm. Well it all started the other day. Nature was truly calling with a bunch of invisible fairies jumping on my bladder so I made the obligitory mid-afteroon trip to the bathroom. Normally the downstairs bathroom at work is pretty empty. Rarely is there anywhere in there. Thats fine with me! I went into the cubicle and when I was in there heard someone else come into the bathroom. When I exited the cubicle (which had one other unoccupied cubicle) I see a co-worker standing there in her bra. Adjusting. Adjusting what, I dont know, but it was awkward! For me anyway. My co-worker just stood there and proceeded to hold a conversation while I tried to avert my eyes and leave the bathroom hastily. Weird.

Then today, I bought my hair straightener to work to straighten my hair at lunch time (lets face it, what else is there to do at lunch aside from blog/straighten hair??). This was mainly because even though I vowed to wake up early and do my hair properly, I didn't get up on time (surprise much?) and just had enough time to throw on some glad rags and jive on down to work this morning. So yeah, I'm straightening my hair in the upstairs (nicer) bathroom, and another co-worker comes in. No probs. I'm happy to share bathroom space. She goes into the cubicle and proceeds to do her business, VERY loudly. It was gross! I think someone had curry, or a large dose of laxatives for dinner last night..... ewww. If someone else was in the bathroom, there's no way that I would do that kind of business. I guess I'm just a private kinda gal. To make things worse, this lady was speaking to me through the door! So it was kind of like:
*Farrrrrrrrt*
"So Michelle, how is the new place going?"
"its going quite well thanks" *proceeds to straighten hair*
*SPLUUUUUURRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"
"thats great! Have any wild parties"
*fart fart fart*
"not really, but people drop in and stuff which is fun".
"thats nice"
*flush*
*michelle holds nose*
*continues to straighten*

I'm still traumatised.

Parents.

2009-02-19T22:00:00.000+11:00

I asked my mum for the recipe that she uses for Anzac biscuits. I went around for dinner tonight, and she gave me a folder. A purple folder. Full of recipes for myfavourite dishes from when I lived at home. How cute is that? It is one of the sweetest and thoughtful things thats happened since I've moved out.

In other news my father thinks that he has leukemia because he gets dizzy when he coughs excessively..... Hmmm..

MS Paint.

2009-02-19T12:24:00.000+11:00

Oh how I love MS Paint! It amuses me when I'm bored at work, or when I want to make someone laugh. Who needs photoshop?!

Check it out (hopefully the link works)
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/album.php?aid=78096&id=591010988&ref=mf

In other news. My friend at work, Belinda. Sweet innocent Belinda! (hehe) A few times at work she has gotten in some strife with 'accidentally' looking up porn at work. And of all places, on WIKIPEDIA. You'd think that typing in 'French Bible" would be pretty innocent right?
Maybe check out the link for yourself ;-)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_bible

Australia, on the move. Apparently.

2009-02-17T12:19:00.000+11:00

I was late for work this morning. Not too late, and its not normally a big deal. Rain normally = slow m5, fair enough. The main thing that made me late for work was this stupid truck driving in the alledged 'fast' lane. The irony is that on the back of the truck, there was a sign that said:

"Trucks - keeping Australia moving".

That is a blatant lie.

The Whistler.

2009-02-16T12:43:00.000+11:00

Its lunchtime. All I really want to do right at this moment is surf the net, listen to Motley Crue on my iPod, and block out most people. It seems as though the only person I CANNOT block out, even over selected Motley Crue songs cranking in my ears is "The Whistler". There are not that many things that annoy me. One thing that annoys me a lot is whistling. High pitched, canary like, CONSTANT whistling. I'm sitting in an open plan office, so its pretty easy to hear whats going on. Especially the whistling. Just when you think she's stopped, it starts again. Just when I turn my iPod up a little bit more, she gets louder. For some reason other people aren't annoyed by it. Maybe its cause they are all old? When I say old... I mean in the 55+ bracket. *sigh*. Oh great. Its started again. Its just wrong, Kickstart my heart just doesn't sound the same with a whistling solo over the top of it.......
Its always the people that do stuff like this that you cant really say anything to. They are the highly strung "What, I'm not doing anything to POLLUTE OTHER PEOPLE'S SERENITY" types. Its the same person that ruined our Christmas 'party' by making everyone create paper hats and making people participate in a Bible Character match up game.It also happens to be the personal assistant to the director. My hands are tied! Or should I say, my ears are bleeding?

Yes, it has finally happened.

2009-02-16T12:31:00.000+11:00

FINALLY! For ages and ages I've been saying "oh yes, I will start a blog". "yep, I'll do it this weekend". Well, it has now happened. I figured it was high time I had somewhere to vent, rant, whinge, discuss, say whatever the hell I want, use too many smilies and exclamation marks and.....more stuff that I cant think of right now.

So here we go. Monday the 16th of Feb 2009, the dawning of a new blog.